


how to low-key gay (but high enough to be noticed)

by themadtilde



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Bad Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Declarations Of Love, Fluff, Humor, Kissing, Lily knows, M/M, Or At Least I Tried, Raphael is a Little Shit, Simon tries to hide how gay he is for Raphael, Swearing, a liiiittle blood kink because that is hot, awkward Simon, probably everyone knows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 23:50:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14389695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themadtilde/pseuds/themadtilde
Summary: Finally,Raphael opens his mouth.“You’re right,” he agrees, and his voice is a little rough andfuck, that is doing things to Simon’s brain. “You don’t look too bad in it, but that shirt is a difficult match -  although I can probably pull it off,” he adds as an afterthought, surveying Simon up and down again.“Oh my god, please do,” Simon mutters before he even realizes what he’s saying.





	how to low-key gay (but high enough to be noticed)

**Author's Note:**

> hullo readers!  
> I've been working on this FOREVER and it's a relief to finally upload it.  
> I'm currently stuck on two prompts and they are just lying in my Drive, waiting to be written. So what do I do then? I start writing a whole other story!! :D:D:D:D  
> Anyways, English isn't my native so I hope any weird sentences or misspellings can be excused. This isn't beta'd and I have proofread it, but of course, I might've missed something.  
> I will correct mistakes as I see them - I know there is one mistake out there but I forgot where it was and now I can't find it ...  
> Oh well I am reaalllyy tired so I will try to maybe do this better tomorrow.  
> I don't own Mortal instruments because if I did, Saphael would be canon asf.

“Simon, your gay is showing.”

Lily’s amused voice distracts Simon momentarily from his task of drooling at Raphael’s bare chest when he’s training. He glares at the female vampire, trying not to show how embarrassed he is that she caught him ogling Raphael in a not so heterosexual way.

“I’m not - I mean, I was just … -” he splutters, trying to come up with a reasonable excuse to why he would be lurking in the doorway, secretly spying on Raphael when the clan leader had the training room for himself. Lily’s eyebrows just advances further up her forehead, and the smirk on her lips is all too knowing.

“I’m not showing anything,” Simon finishes weakly, and he knows that his response will just add further to Lily’s smugness.

He’s right. Lily looks like she wants to hold up a sign saying “BUSTED” and maybe even cartwheel across the corridor.

“Instead of gaying in the shadows, you should probably gay when Raphael’s aware of your presence so that you can like, I don’t know, _get somewhere_ with your not so discreet ogling?” Lily suggests, and Simon clamps a hand over her mouth, staring at her in horror. Before she can embarrass him any further (and also expose him to Raphael, who’s still attacking the punching bag with the same force he’d had had when he started training twenty minutes ago), he grabs her wrist and hurries away along the corridor. He ignores her whines of protests as she’s being dragged along, but surprisingly, she doesn’t make any move to free herself from Simon’s grip.

Once they’re far away enough so that Raphael can’t possibly overhear them, he lets go of her and turns to give her a deathly glare. She shrugs innocently.

“What? I wasn’t wrong, was I?”

Simon groans at her innocent remark, and he knows that he’s trapped. No matter what he answers, she’s going to use it against him.

“Could you just like … _not_ say it so loud, especially when he’s in hearing range?” he asks instead, exasperated. Lily’s grin grows even bigger.

“The question isn’t whether or not I can keep my mouth shut, but rather if you can keep the gay toned down enough so that Raphael doesn’t notice,” she proclaims. Simon just groans and gives her a light shove.

* * *

Raphael’s speaking to Simon and Lily. Something about other clans and treaties, and he’s asking them for advices and opinions. Well, he’s mostly asking Lily. Simon’s just tagging along for reasons unknown to everyone but himself. And Lily. Of course Lily knows why he’s standing here, listening to Downworlder politics despite having proclaimed, several times, that it’s one of the most boring topics to discuss.

To Simon’s defense, he can actually say that he hasn’t been listening. At all. For the past ten minutes.

He’s been staring at Raphael’s face when he’s talking, too enchanted by the older vampire’s features to actually catch up on anything in the conversation. Simon saves himself by only looking at Raphael for a few seconds, then averting his gaze, and then let it float back to Raphael’s face briefly, before looking away again. That way, Raphael doesn’t notice that Simon’s been studying his lips rather than form his opinions on whether the Stockholm Clan should be allowed into their grounds or not.

But to be fair, Raphael has very nice lips. Plump and full, the upper lip being slightly thicker than the bottom. Simon wonders briefly what they would feel like against his own lips, before he banishes the thought from his head.

 _Bad brain!_ he thinks angrily. _No more ogling Raphael. He’s attractive, yes, but you are never going to get anywhere with this stupid crush and you are basically digging your own grave right now!_

It takes about five seconds, before Simon’s gaze is back on Raphael again. He’s in the middle of memorizing the exact shade of Raphael’s eyes - almost black, but with hints of brown in the iris, like melted, dark chocolate - when he feels Lily elbowing him in the side. Startled, he blinks and looks around him. Both Raphael and Lily are looking at him expectantly, like he’s supposed to say something.

“Um, what?” he manages, trying meet Raphael’s gaze in a neutral way. (He fails. A lot.)

“I asked, if the Stockholm clan is allowed inside our Hotel but we ban them from hunting Mundanes in our area, would that compromise be to our advantage or rather lead to a conflict?” Raphael says patiently, and he’s almost drawling, as if he knows that Simon has no clue what he’s talking about.

Simon’s brain stops functioning.

“Yes?” he replies, and Lily scoffs out loud. Raphael’s mouth curls upwards in a sly, knowing smirk. Simon decides that he’s humiliated himself enough, and takes a few steps back, holding his hands up in surrender.

“Would you look at the time, I’ve gotta gay … go! Go. I’ve got to go,” he rambles nervously, nearly tripping over his own feet as he’s backing, and Lily looks like she’s going to combust from choked laughter.

Simon flees.

* * *

Raphael pushes the curtain aside and leans against the small door frame, crossing his arms as he squints at Simon. Said fledgling is standing in a small fitting room, wearing a dark purple V-ringed T-shirt that hugs his shoulders nicely and makes him seem even more well-built and muscular. The small text and the picture on the chest declares that the shirt belongs to a brand that costs more than Simon’s entire wardrobe. And probably his guitar. And apparently his pride and confidence too, because the way Raphael is lazily scanning him up and down makes his brain short-circuit and he becomes painfully aware of the fact that this is something only Raphael looks good in, not Simon himself. He prefers baggy, graphic tees and it’s obvious that Raphael’s picked out the shirt, not only because of the brand but because the other vampire always dresses _so fucking fancy._

“I don’t know,” Simon chuckles nervously, turning around in front of the mirror to check himself out, and tries to hide how intimidated he is by Raphael’s unimpressed but intensive gaze. “Maybe it’s not really my style …?” It comes out as a question and he hits himself mentally, because Raphael is _still not saying anything_ and it’s unnerving as hell. It’s way too hot in the small, cramped room and Simon meets Raphael’s eyes in the mirror for a split second before he averts his gaze, thankful for the fact that he can't blush because otherwise, he’d be redder than a tomato.

 _Finally,_ Raphael opens his mouth.

“You’re right,” he agrees, and his voice is a little rough and _fuck,_ that is doing things to Simon’s brain. “You don’t look too bad in it, but that shirt is a difficult match -  although I can probably pull it off,” he adds as an afterthought, surveying Simon up and down again.

“Oh my god, please do,” Simon mutters before he even realizes what he’s saying and when he does, he freezes. The knowledge that Raphael is checking him out must have made Simon’s brain to mouth filter disappear completely; that is the only suitable explanation he has for the suggestive comment he just made. In front of Raphael. Who definitely heard it. Not only because of super-vampire hearing, but because the fitting room is completely quiet and Simon had been the only one speaking.

He meets Raphael’s eyes in the mirror again - the other vampire is staring at him, clearly taken aback by Simon’s sudden words, and Simon thinks _fuck fuck fuck why am I here please delete the last ten seconds of my life or I will have to stake myself on the wooden stool in here, right in front of Raphael, right through designer shirt and all._

“Um,” Simon stutters, and now he doesn’t even think anymore - he turns, yanks  the curtains close and shuts out the sight of Raphael’s stunned face. Simon tries not to think about the fact that Raphael’s still standing right outside the fitting room when he pulls off the way too expensive shirt again, and inwardly, he laughs bitterly when he thinks that this is the closest he will get to get undressed in Raphael’s presence.

* * *

Later that night, a few hours after the Fitting Room Incident, Simon’s examining himself in the mirror. He’s wearing an old, washed T-shirt with Skull Kid on it and his jeans are worn and loose. It feels a thousand times better than that suffocating shirt Raphael had chosen for him, and Simon takes a few seconds to just _enjoy_ the feeling of his preferred clothing style. He sighs when he thinks of the Fitting Room Incident for the six hundredth time that day, and he’s tired of making up excuses and evasions in his mind. _(Okay, maybe Raphael was too busy thinking about clan leader business to hear you. Also, that could have been interpreted any how! Maybe you meant that it was_ his own _shirt he should pull off! Or maybe you said it because it simply was a little too tight for you, and you didn’t mean anything flirtatious or suggestive with it! Raphael doesn’t know what you meant by it, so you can tell him it was all just a misunderstanding, and everything will be okay)._

Deep down, Simon knows that there is no escape. No excuses. He will have to face Raphael sooner or later, although later is much more preferred.

His mind is spinning.

Rubbing his eyes, Simon decides to go to sleep and just flee his problems for a few hours. Partly because he actually is tired as hell, and partly because he will probably think a lot clearer with some rest. Confrontation with Raphael - later. Sleep - now.

He’s hauling his sweater up, just about to pull it over his head, when a new voice speaks.

“Do you want me to do that for you?”

Simon freezes, head stuck inside the shirt and he turns towards the voice. But of course, he already knows who that voice belongs to. That silky, smooth voice, usually laced with a layer of annoyance and superiority ...

“Um, what?” Simon splutters, because his shirt is still halfway over his head and his arms are stuck in an awkward angle. He hears Raphael move closer, and even though Simon can't see through the fabric of his shirt, he’s somehow aware that Raphael is standing unnervingly close to him.

“Unless I interpreted your words wrong, I thought you wanted me to do that for you,” he hears Raphael’s amused voice and the other vampire takes a hold of Simon’s tangled shirt and pulls it off him smoothly. Simon blinks disoriented at Raphael, who’s standing before him with an amused and smug expression on his face. Then Raphael’s gaze drops lower and Simon realizes he’s standing here, bare chested. In front of Raphael. Who looks extremely attractive and tasty in a dark, ironed suit with the collars of his shirt neatly folded. Who also is biting his lip in a way that should be illegal, all while he rakes his eyes over Simon’s body.

“Er …” Simon coughs awkwardly and the other vampire tears his gaze from Simon’s body so quickly, it’s as if Simon’s slapped him or something.

“Right.” Raphael clears his throat and seems to regain his sly, confident demeanor. “I thought this is what you wanted me to do? According to your … _comment_ , in the fitting room.” He raises one eyebrow and Simon feels himself shrink in size.

_Fuck._

"Um, right, about that …  I didn't mean it like tha- I mean, I said it because it was so hot in the fitting room, or maybe it was just you - " _fuck_ " - and I said that I wanted you to pull it off because it was too tight and I couldn't like, breathe, or well I know I don't have to breathe but it was way too fancy for me anyways and I didn't want to rip the shirt? Yeah, exactly, I would probably have ripped the shirt if I tried to pull it off myself, so that's why I wanted you to pull it off. Because it was too hot. And too expensive. No other reason than that," Simon blurts out, and tries to look convincing. If he believes it enough himself, maybe he can convince Raphael of his words too. He wringes his wrists nervously when Raphael just stares at him, an amused smirk on his lips and _there it is again,_  that smug and unnerving, lazy smile that he surveyed Simon with in the fitting room.

"And that shirt wasn't my style," Simon adds because that silence is excruciating, especially when Raphael is just looking at him, faintly smirking. "So that's why I didn't want it. It didn't really fit me." He laughs nervously, his laughter sounds too loud in the quiet room, and he feels his anxiousness turn up a few notches.

Raphael licks his lips briefly before he responds, and Simon can't help but stare at the way his tongue darts out to wet those obscenely plush lips.

"I actually think the shirt looked rather good on you," says Raphael, that raspy voice back, and he sounds surprisingly smug and satisfied, as if he's planning something and he knows Simon is going to fall for it.

Simon pauses, speechless, because this is not what he had expected. He blinks and does a double take in his mind, because _had he heard that right?_

"Um ... thanks?" he says questioningly, not sure if Raphael's being sincere or if there's an underlying, mocking intention behind the words.

Raphael's smirk grows wider and if Simon's heart had been beating, it would have jumped out of his ribcage.

" _De nada, cariño_ ," replies Raphael smoothly, and he reaches out to place his (surprisingly warm) hands on Simon’s bare shoulders. He leans in, so close that Simon feels a few loose curls tickle his cheek.

Simon stops breathing.

"But do you know where it would look even better?" Raphael breathes in Simon’s ear, sending shivers down Simon’s spine. It’s a wonder that he’s even standing upright because if he hadn’t been dying with nervosity before, he’s now dying with proximity. He's not sure if he nods or even gives any indication that he's heard Raphael's question, but that's apparently not necessary because Raphael continues even without response from Simon.  He pulls back a little, meeting Simon’s wide eyes and the clan leader sends him an almost predatory smile.

“On my floor.”

Simon stares blankly at Raphael, not processing his words. Raphael looks very satisfied with himself, and he cocks and eyebrow as he looks at Simon expectantly.

“Um, okay?” is Simon’s eventual, confused response. “Well, I guess it doesn’t matter where you put it as long as you’ve paid for it, but it seems a little too nice to just leave it on the floor, don’t you think? I mean, it will probably get dirty and dusty and knowing you, you don’t usually like it when designer clothes are being mistreated so this was a rather unusual statement for you to …”

“ _Por el amor de Dios,"_  groans Raphael, exasperated, and then he rushed forwards and before Simon knows what’s happening, he’s being pinned to the wall and Raphael’s mouth is on his.

He’s pretty sure the wall got cracked, or at least dented, from the impact of Simon’s body basically being flung into it, but Simon finds that he doesn’t care. (He can always cover it with  a poster later.) Raphael’s lips are nipping at his, sucking and pulling, and _god they’re even softer than Simon had imagined._ And he had imagined them a lot.

Letting out a hum of surprise and also satisfaction, Simon relaxes into Raphael’s touch and wraps his arms around his neck, and starts to kiss back. He wraps his legs around Raphael’s waist and the clan leader moves impossibly closer, pressing Simon up against the wall and the fledgling squeaks with surprise at the friction.

The kiss is a little awkward at first, mainly because Raphael practically crashed into Simon and took him by surprise, and it’s just inexperienced lips fumbling against each other. It still feels good nonetheless, because it’s _Raphael_ , and after a few minutes, they fall into a rhythm. Raphael’s tongue is asking for entrance, which Simon grants with an embarrassing moan. He wants to pull away and maybe go hide in a corner with shame because _fuck,_ he probably took it too far with that way too pornographic moan (though he couldn’t help himself, Raphael’s body pressed against his plus his tongue in his mouth would have made anyone swoon), but Raphael’s having none of it. He kisses Simon even harder, firmer, and lets one of his hands caress Simon’s chest.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Simon groans, mind clouded with pleasure. Raphael laughs against his lips, pulling back only so he can speak.

“Right here? Right now?” he asks, amused when Simon whimpers at the loss of contact, chasing his lips pleadingly. “I mean, I do enjoy pinning you to the wall - no denying that - but I think the bed would be more suitable for that, or what do you think?”

Simon forces himself back to reality when he realizes that Raphael isn’t going to allow him any more kisses until he answers his question. Raising his eyebrows, he gives Raphael a disbelieving look.

“Who are you, and what have you done to Raphael?" he asks suspiciously, and Raphael rolls his eyes. "Has anyone lectured you about mundane, modern pick up lines? Because honestly, that is not something I ever thought I would hear coming from your mouth. Not that I mind it - quite the opposite, because I have honestly been imagining this for a few months now and I am, in no way, objecting to this and even though I’m not sure how you feel, I guess you’ve already picked up on my feelings because apparently, according to Lily and basically everyone else, my crush has been quite obvious but I also understand if you have better things to do than to keep up with all my bullshit and staring -”

“Do you ever take a break?” Raphael cuts him off, and Simon presses his lips together to stop himself from rambling. He’s not really sure what Raphael is talking about, and the confusion must show on his face, because the older vampire chuckles moves his hand down to loop one finger in the waistband of Simon’s jeans.

“Being pretty all that time must be tiring,” smirks Raphael and he actually _winks,_ Raphael Santiago fucking _winks_ at Simon and yup, Simon’s so screwed for this boy.

Simon’s brain short-circuits, which is probably why he actually comes up with a witty, smooth comeback for once.

“Then you must be exhausted,” he quips and he praises himself mentally because that is probably the first time he’s been smooth in Raphael’s presence.

Raphael actually looks  taken aback at Simon’s response, clearly not having expected Simon to come up with such a flirtatious, quick reply. However, a grin spreads across his face and makes Simon shiver with anticipation. Hoisting Simon up, Raphael slips his arm under Simon’s legs and carries him bridal-style to the bed. Simon protest weakly at the manhandling, but to no avail. Raphael is still stronger than him, and he’s also a little dizzy from the intense makeout session. Plus, he doesn’t _really_ want Raphael to let go of him, he just feels a little abashed at the way Raphael carries him.

“My own fledgling in distress,” Raphael teases, and Simon tries to glare up at him, but fails. Raphael places him carefully on the bed, climbing on top of him. Simon reaches out immediately, impatiently tugging him down for a kiss. However, Raphael is apparently also a fucking  _tease_ because he pretends to obey Simon's demand, but pauses an inch from the fledgling's inviting lips, smirking when the latter lets out a frustrated groan.

"I need to get something off my chest," Raphael confesses quietly, and Simon closes his eyes, breathing sharply.

"Is it your shirt? Please say yes," he moans, tugging eagerly in the hem of Raphael's sweater. Raphael can't help but snicker, and decides to please his fledgling by obediently hauling his shirt over his head and tossing it to the floor. Simon's eyes widen and he drinks in the sight of Raphael's bare chest, licking his lips frantically.

"Besides my shirt; I wanted to ask you ... " Raphael pauses, sounding unsure, and Simon tries to focus once he realizes that Raphael actually wants to say something important.

"Are you serious about this?" asks Raphael, hovering above Simon, biting his lip with uncertanity. Simon blinks up at him, still a little dazed.

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean ... us." Raphael waves his hand between them. "I know we've been making awful pick up lines for good ten minutes now and trust me, I  _have_ noticed your staring - don't be embarrased,  _querido,_ it's adorable - but I want to know ..." he pauses again, seemingly searching for the right words. 

"Is this just a crush?" he eventually asks, and Simon meets his questioning eyes. "I don't want to force you into anything, and I do feel very strongly for you - enough to ask Lily to supply me with some good pick up lines - but also, I need to know if this is just a fleeting obsession or if you are comfortable and certain of your feelings."

At first, Simon doesn't know how to respond to that because  _how can Raphael not see how much he means to him, how much Simon's world evolves around him?_

"Rapha ..." he breathes, not knowing how to start. But Raphael's mouth curls upwards with fondness at the nickname, and Simon finds the strength to continue. 

"I know that I seem all goofy and un-serious and cheeky, but I ... I've been crushing on you for  _months_ now. And I think that somewhere along the lines, the crush evolved into something more ..." He nearly says love, but realizes that's probably a bit too early to use that word and he doesn't want to fuck things up, not when they are going to so good.

"I don't know how to describe it, but I am pretty sure that my feelings for you are as as strong as yours. What I want to say is ... you're not just a  _crush_. You're ... you. You're the one who helped me with my Turning, my Sire, the one who's always been there for me, and I ..."

Raphael cuts him off by pressing his mouth against his, almost feverishly and desperate, and Simon makes a needy noise, immediately melting into the kiss.

When they separate again, Simon notices that his lip has been punctuated (by his own or by Raphael's fangs, he doesn't know), and his blood is smeared on Raphael's lips too. The clan leader's tongue darts out, licking up the red substance, and his eyes widens when he tastes Simon's blood. Then, he smirks smugly when he sees that Simon's followed his movements with a glazed, desired look.

"See something you like, fledgling?" he teases, well-aware of the fact that it's probably not only the blood on his lips that has rendered Simon speechless, it's also his naked chest that makes the fledgling look almost illegally turned on.

“Oh, bite me,” Simon retorts lightly when Raphael quirks one eyebrow, cupping Simon's cheek with his hand. His eyes darken when he leans down, sending a puff of hot air against Simon's neck that makes the younger vampire tremble.

“Gladly,” he whispers hotly, and sinks his fangs down into Simon’s neck.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I made a Glee reference there (I've gotta gay- go! Go. I've got to go).  
> Also, reminder that this is set in Book!verse (although not much of a difference), so Raphael is actually Simon's sire.  
> And as you may have noticed, I'm inspired by a few tumblr headcanons (such as the pick up lines and that comment Raphael makes about where the shirt would look even better.)  
> Leave a kudos or a comment if you'd like :)  
> Thank you for reading <3


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